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The answer is very complex. You should never seem easy to a guy but you should never play hard to get either. You want somewhere in between. If you are too easy, then there's no thrill in the chase. If you play hard to get, then you quite frankly just piss him off, if he knows women play these hard to get games, he'll go quiet on you and find another woman in the meantime, then he'll chase you or wait for you to get in touch with him, then when he's managed to get you to have sex with him the chase is over, he'll ditch you either straight after sex or when you start to become attached to him (because his first impressions of you were you pissing him off by playing hard to get, he's not going to be attracted to you long term, because first impressions matter). If he doesn't know about these playing hard to get games, then the thrill of the chase will be over for him at that point, because he'll just get bored and presume you are not interested.
The reason men and women think playing hard to get works is because of the following:
Woman plays hard to get. Guy gets pissed off. Guy knows it's a game, because he's experienced the same monotonous game off virtually every woman he's gone out with. His first impressions are that she's irritating the hell out of him and he can't get to know what she is genuinely like, until the stupid games stop. He knows if he continues with the chase eventually she'll stop playing hard to get and start being genuine and he'll hope that he'll find the genuine version of her attractive. Plus most guys don't like to lose, so they carry on the chase because they want to win.
By the time she starts being genuine, he has a very ungenuine view of what she's like because of the silly games from the start. She eventually starts acting keen. He sees her getting attached and so finishes her. He's won because he's won her over, but as soon as she gets attached he realises he doesn't like her enough, he doesn't realise that's because his first impressions of her smeared his memories because he doesn't think that deeply (so the man's oblivious to the real reason). He carried on the chase because he thought it was exciting and thought that he may find the genuine version of her attractive (but first impressions matter!). She thinks she's been finished because she started to act keen. She then goes into the next relationship and thinks that acting keen puts guys off completely (she's completely oblivious to the real reason, that she didn't act genuine from the start).
On the opposite end of the coin. There's being too easy. When you talk about being too easy, to a man it means a woman that is too clingy from the start. That means she expects him to drop everything for her from the first date, she expects to phone him twenty times a day and he'll answer, she expects him to text twenty times a day, all before or after the first date. That is more annoying than being too easy, but it's what I class as a woman being too easy. She's pretty much acting like she's in a long term relationship from the moment of the first date and that is scarey. Texting and phoning and expecting a guy to drop seeing his friends in the early stages is something that you expect of a guy you are in a long term relationship with. Not a guy you've been on a date with once.
You have a first date with a guy you like, make sure you let him know at the end of that date, that you'd like to see him again. You are only being genuine and stating that you would like to see him again. If you don't want to say in black and white, simply tell him that you'll text him to say that you got home ok, or else if he gave you a lift home, tell him to text you when he's arrived home safely. That's usually enough to indicate to a guy you'd like to see him again, because it indicates you care about him. That's usually enough to get a guy to either phone you or text you up to a week later and offer to take you out on another date.
Why do women think they've been too available or too keen, when really they haven't made that mistake at all? Because they've been rejected by guys that didn't fancy them in the first place, so they think the reason they were rejected was because they acted too keen or available. The truth is if a guy fancies you enough, you act genuine, but not like a stalker, then he'll go out with you again. If a guy doesn't fancy you or you act like you want to push the relationship far too fast, far too soon (phoning and texting constantly and expecting him to drop everything for you), then he's going to reject you for any one of those reasons. Not because you were easy, but because he doesn't find you attractive.
The truth is when guys want to settle down and have a long term relationship, they want to find a genuine woman, that is fun to be with and caring. That's what a guy wants a woman to demonstrate in the early stages of dating. He wants her to make sure that he has fun and she acts like she's having fun on those early dates. If he has fun on a date with you, then what guy is going to turn down the chances of another date?
I think women need to stop over analysing what strategies and games might work on a date and start focusing on making sure the guy has fun (I don't mean sex)! And make sure she acts like her genuine self on a date, there's no point in acting like you think he wants you to act, because sooner or later he's going to realise you weren't acting genuine and he's going to finish you. |